"Facing Fears"

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it... You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Many times in life you have stare face to face into the one thing in life that you are totally unprepared for, and yet strangely here you are toe to toe, chest to chest with you fear. Neither party is willing to back down. Each unwilling to recognize the right of way of the other party.

Challenges in life most often come at the most inopportune time. They come when you're already taxed, already pushed to your physical limits, and already exhausted from previous battles. Yet, there is a funny thing about human beings: We are built to exceed our limits. Think for a moment and go back in your mind. Can you remember thinking the same thing about one of the obstacles that you utterly obliterated in the past? Can you remember the feeling you had when you successfully weathered a horrendous storm of difficulties? Of course you do. That's why at the moment that a new obstacle surfaces. You tend not to panic but to go into the mode that you are most familiar with. You go into the "hero" mode as I would like to call it. You have in the back of your mind a thought that you have held with you ever since your first victory. You know you can win, and better than that you know that your victory will not be some long and drawn out battle. You can win and you can do it right now.

I digress to say that the "hero" mindset is reserved for those who want to win in the first place and not allow themselves to be encumbered by doubt or temporary ignorance. The drive to keep going in the face of hardship is one that cannot be done without in this case. If this trait is not present then the individual will be swallowed up whole by his own imperfections and insecurities.

A person with the "hero" mindset works through pain and believes its just weakness escaping the body. I live on that level and I have found it to be not only effective but rather liberating.

Couldn't help myself with the picture. Rocky and Russian...classic.
Source: http://www.gaia.com/quotes/topics/facing+fear#ixzz0JpItFeSW&D

"Struggle"

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there'll be no remnants no trace
No residual feelings within ya
One day you won't remember me.

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I'll always love ya
I hope you feel the same.

Oh, you played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription
For the remedy
I had to set you free.

Away from me
To see clearly
The way that love can be when you are not with me
I had to lead
I had to let
I had to leave
I had to live

If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

I came wrong you were right
Transformed your love into a lie
Baby believe me I'm sorry I told you lies

I turned day into night
Sleep till I die a thousand times
I should have showed you better nights, better times, better days
And I miss you more and more

If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around
-Maxwell, "Pretty Wings"

For a short while now one of my brothers has been telling me to listen to this song that's out now by one of my favorite artists, Maxwell. So, I burn it on a cd and listened, its called "Pretty Wings" by the way. And as I sat in my truck on the ride home I really listened. As he sang, I thought. A flood of memories crowded my mind. Memories of a girl I loved so much that I was willing to give everything up just to keep her with me, just to keep her safe.

It took me back to how I felt standing in the rain watching her leave me forever. Watching my whole future slip away from me and there was absolutely nothing I could do. Even if there was something I could do, sadly, I didn't have the energy to do it. As the rain streamed down my face and soaked my clothes, I hated the clouds because at that moment they could weep and I could not. Or maybe they wept in my behalf. In any event, I felt taxed, taxed to the point of breaking. I stared into a bottomless chasm and had no desire to restrain myself from falling.

Needless to say I didn't eat, sleep, or even function quite the same as I used to prior to this happening. I hated myself for letting her leave, for not fighting for her. After all, she was supposed to be my wife.

The song is finished now and sit in my truck stunned but at the same time oddly liberated. The song had said what I had been feeling for a while after I found myself again, after I again took control of my destiny, and after I had allowed the situation to be exactly what it was. Our two worlds could exist, but not in contact with each other. Though I loved her, I was killing myself just to keep her. Love like that isn't pure. Its tarnished. Too many things had happened and those things obscured what the love between us had truly been. It had died a long time ago and we fought just to keep the remnants of it alive.

I am thankful that I didn't allow this loss to destroy me.

"Obstacles"

"Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don't succeed, try another way. For every obstacle there is a solution. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. The greatest mistake is giving up." - Anonymous

In life many times a person is confronted with difficult situations. These situations may easily be subdued and life goes on. But, a situation becomes an obstacle when in life's race you have to carry this burdensome issue with you until either it has worked itself out or you have put positive energies into working it out. I will be the first to tell you that neither avenue is an easy one. It is as if you know what needs to happen to relieve yourself of your burden yet you don't have the sufficient resources at present to effect change. Or it could be that something deep inside you tells you that even if you do use the proper energies that the situation will not change but that it will add more to your burden.

More specifically though, people can prove themselves an obstacle to you. For almost 2 years now I have been struggling with just such an obstacle. Just lately it has been my determination not to allow anyone to have an influence on me that make me harbor resentment. Easier said than done! More times than not the offender feels that mercy should be extended, though when they were committing the offense they had no regard for the other person. Then also if you are genuinely trying to be a good person, then you feel obligated to respond with such forgiveness. Yet, the same situation continues to recur. At what point do you digress and set firm boundaries for this person or group of people? If you know me then you know that this decision is one that will be made sooner than later. I have a more direct way of handling situations like this. Usually, the offenders will try to make you look like a monster of sorts because you refuse to budge even a millimeter on the stance you've taken. But didn't we just establish that their pattern of behavior is recurring. I can not speak for anyone else, but myself. I cut people like this off at the knees. I deal only with difficulties I have to deal with. Extra anxieties are the first ones to go. Yet, I will admit the manner in which I choose to cut individuals off is vicious to say the least. But in my defense I am a very patient individual. I believe in change over time, but I won't accept a second of disrespect, especially from those who are judgmental. Everyone who has worked hard to get where they are can understand me quite clearly. A person who sees you working hard and would rather tear you down mentally and emotionally does not deserve the courtesy of being spoken to or treated with dignity because they don't afford you any. Sadly, I have even had to bar these individuals from my house completely. This was done to drive home the point that I am the head of my house and any decisions that are made will come through me or they will meet with unimaginable opposition. To the point where when they visit they sit outside in their vehicles parked in the street. However, they wish to handle the situation, just know that I mean business.

But in the midst of all of this I can not help but to think that if I reacted like they do, it would make you no better than them.