Manhood: Accepting Responsibility

"To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right." - Confuscious

In the mornings, before work, I usually listen to the radio and sort through the various morning shows. Well, this morning I happened to be listening to the Rickey Smiley Morning Show, ("great show almost as good as Steve Harvey's Morning Show"). They were discussing National AIDS day, which was yesterday. As the show progressed the topic of discussion centered around a lady who called in and was emotionally distraught. Why? Her husband of 24 years was compelled to share a secret he had be holding for 5 years. He was HIV positive! She was mortified because she had already lost a brother to AIDS. She said that he became angry because he felt that she wasn't taking his emotional needs into consideration, and that it took him quite a bit of courage to finally come clean. As she sobbed on the phone, she repeatedly admonished the ladies listening in on the show to know that "men don't care about you"! I think it would be relavent in this situation to say that she was a black woman.

I'm almost at a loss for words. It really takes a person who has no respect for himself or anyone else to contract a deadly disease by being unfaithful, and then conceal the knowledge of this disease from those that love him the most just to save face. This is utterly sickening.

To put things into perspective, here are some current statistics taken by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

• Blacks accounted for 51% of the 42,655 (including children) new HIV/AIDS diagnoses in 34 states with long-term, confidential name-based HIV reporting.

• Blacks accounted for 48% of the 551,932 persons* (including children) living with HIV/AIDS in 34 states with long-term, confidential name-based HIV reporting.

• For black women living with HIV/AIDS, the most common methods of transmission were high-risk heterosexual contact** and injection drug use.
  

(Source: http://www.thebody.com/content/whatis/art17002.html)

The most common method of transmission for black women is high-risk heterosexual contact. High risk heterosexual contact is having relations without the benefit of protection. This contact doesn't negate those who are married and in a supposedly committed relationship. When a person vows before God and his mate to remain faithful and true, this is a commitment that is not easily fulfilled. But, how is it appropriate to be unfaithful and give a deadly disease to your mate due to the fact that you didn't take your vows seriously? Your wife or your husband contracted a terminal illness because you didn't have the presence of mind to control your sexual urges. Animals we are not. Yet, with some of the actions taken by those who claim to be intelligent human beings, you could surely mistake them for animals. I do understand that a person can sometimes slip into a situation because of negligence and a lack of proper attention. But along with what is stated above, a person must take responsibility for what he or she chooses to do. The gentleman, and I use the term loosely, that is mentioned above could have chosen to do the right thing at any time during this whole predicament. He could have chosen not to be unfaithful at the beginning. He could have chosen to go home to his wife instead of accepting the sexual advances of another. He should have chosen to come clean before he ever had relations with his wife because that is where the real selfishness lies. After contracting HIV, he didn't warn his wife at all. He exposed her to it without her knowledge and that in my mind is criminal.

This issue speaks at the heart of a pandemic in the world, but especially in the African American community. We take too much for granted. HIV is ravishing all of our mothers, wives, and sisters and all we choose to do is spread it with greater force. All of us, but especially the men in this community, are asleep at the wheel. It is our job to protect our women. Too long have we allowed problems to run rampant that we ourselves should have resolved long ago. By educating one's self and family about a few simple rules, one can prevent a lot of heartache and anguish:

"A stands for "abstinence" (not having sex of any kind). Abstaining from sexual activities, including vaginal, anal, or oral sex, is the surest way to avoid HIV.
B is for "be faithful." Being in a sexual relationship with only one partner who is also faithful to you can help protect you. This limits your number of sexual partners and the possibility of infection.
C is for condoms. Using a male latex condom for all types of sexual contact can greatly lower your risk of getting HIV during sex. If you or your partner is allergic to latex, use polyurethane condoms. If your partner can’t or won’t use a condom, you can use a female condom. It may protect against HIV, but it’s not as good as a male latex condom. “Natural” or “lambskin” condoms don’t protect against HIV. Be aware that condoms don't provide complete protection against HIV. The only sure protection is abstinence (not having sex of any kind)." -(Source: http://www.womenshealth.gov/hiv/prevention/)

Its time that we start taking responsibility for what we've been entrusted with.

"Down but not Out!"

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it. " -Dr. William Henry Cosby, Jr.

Many times in life you are handed a set of circumstances that are completely unexpected and completely beyond your ability to control. Yet, when these situations do come about you find yourself reacting in the way that's characteristic of you as an individual. Case in point: You receive a pink slip one day after arriving to work, or you undergo some sort of change that makes it appear to you that your hard work and incredible efforts are useless.

In this, or any, emotionally taxing situation one can find his or herself looking down the chasm of despair and not knowing exactly how to reorganize and recover. Personally, having been put into the aforementioned situations numerous times, I must say that it can be a trying time in life. However, despair is a state of mind, and like all states of mind, it can be changed.

What I'm here suggesting is not a mentality of utter hopelessness, but one of forward progress and movement. A deficiency in one area most definitely leads to a surplus in another area. A person needs to find that surplus, whether emotional or financial or otherwise, and dwell on it. That positive notion will allow the person to progress and recover. Life is full of difficult situations that are difficult because of the way they are perceived. A change in perception = a change is situation.

Lately, I've gone through quite a bit of difficult situations that were surmounted because I refuse to give up in believing that my struggle in the face of difficulty would produce "good fruits". One of the main philosophies that I continue to advocate is that a person should not and cannot limit his or herself in whatever they want to accomplish. A lack of accomplishment of goals in those around us must not limit what it is that we have the potential to accomplish.

"Limitations"

In life many times, a person wishes to accomplish some new goal or achieve some new direction for themselves. In that instance, a person has many things going through his or her mind. Will I be able to achieve this goal? Will it be worth my effort in the end? Will this decision cost me later on in life? To answer each one of those questions takes honesty on the part of the individual. He or she must know his or her own limitations. Herein lies the problem.

A person must be aware of his or her own limitations. That would mean knowing and promoting your strong points and working on your weak ones. In this area I find lately that, if allowed, people will take it upon themselves to set limits for you. They will tell you how far you can go and what you are and are not capable of doing. You may have a goal set that they themselves don't see the value in or that they had at one time and couldn't achieve. At any rate, they allow their negative attitudes to be known. They intentionally do things to limit your progress and everything that is within their power to do they perform. If not all at once, gradually they set out to limit you as someone in the past has limited them.

Now whether you know me personally, or you've just been reading my blogs, you know that this is not the mentality that I subscribe to. One human does not have the ability to specify the limitations of another. Why?

1. Humans cannot read the heart. They don't know your inmost thoughts and intentions.

2. They don't know what you've had to face or what you've overcome.

3. They don't know your work ethic.

4. They cannot tell the future.

Bottom line, no one can decide for you what your limits are. They can however exert enough negative influence to dissuade you from achieving you goals. But, that's only if you are easily swayed, swayed by people who neither know your potential or have faith in your abilities. You know yourself, and having said that you know what you can accomplish and when you can accomplish it. If you know like I know, then you know and believe that you can accomplish anything at anytime.

That picture is one taken atop Mount Everest. I'm sure somebody didn't believe this could be done either!

"Facing Fears"

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it... You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Many times in life you have stare face to face into the one thing in life that you are totally unprepared for, and yet strangely here you are toe to toe, chest to chest with you fear. Neither party is willing to back down. Each unwilling to recognize the right of way of the other party.

Challenges in life most often come at the most inopportune time. They come when you're already taxed, already pushed to your physical limits, and already exhausted from previous battles. Yet, there is a funny thing about human beings: We are built to exceed our limits. Think for a moment and go back in your mind. Can you remember thinking the same thing about one of the obstacles that you utterly obliterated in the past? Can you remember the feeling you had when you successfully weathered a horrendous storm of difficulties? Of course you do. That's why at the moment that a new obstacle surfaces. You tend not to panic but to go into the mode that you are most familiar with. You go into the "hero" mode as I would like to call it. You have in the back of your mind a thought that you have held with you ever since your first victory. You know you can win, and better than that you know that your victory will not be some long and drawn out battle. You can win and you can do it right now.

I digress to say that the "hero" mindset is reserved for those who want to win in the first place and not allow themselves to be encumbered by doubt or temporary ignorance. The drive to keep going in the face of hardship is one that cannot be done without in this case. If this trait is not present then the individual will be swallowed up whole by his own imperfections and insecurities.

A person with the "hero" mindset works through pain and believes its just weakness escaping the body. I live on that level and I have found it to be not only effective but rather liberating.

Couldn't help myself with the picture. Rocky and Russian...classic.
Source: http://www.gaia.com/quotes/topics/facing+fear#ixzz0JpItFeSW&D

"Struggle"

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there'll be no remnants no trace
No residual feelings within ya
One day you won't remember me.

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I'll always love ya
I hope you feel the same.

Oh, you played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription
For the remedy
I had to set you free.

Away from me
To see clearly
The way that love can be when you are not with me
I had to lead
I had to let
I had to leave
I had to live

If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

I came wrong you were right
Transformed your love into a lie
Baby believe me I'm sorry I told you lies

I turned day into night
Sleep till I die a thousand times
I should have showed you better nights, better times, better days
And I miss you more and more

If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around
-Maxwell, "Pretty Wings"

For a short while now one of my brothers has been telling me to listen to this song that's out now by one of my favorite artists, Maxwell. So, I burn it on a cd and listened, its called "Pretty Wings" by the way. And as I sat in my truck on the ride home I really listened. As he sang, I thought. A flood of memories crowded my mind. Memories of a girl I loved so much that I was willing to give everything up just to keep her with me, just to keep her safe.

It took me back to how I felt standing in the rain watching her leave me forever. Watching my whole future slip away from me and there was absolutely nothing I could do. Even if there was something I could do, sadly, I didn't have the energy to do it. As the rain streamed down my face and soaked my clothes, I hated the clouds because at that moment they could weep and I could not. Or maybe they wept in my behalf. In any event, I felt taxed, taxed to the point of breaking. I stared into a bottomless chasm and had no desire to restrain myself from falling.

Needless to say I didn't eat, sleep, or even function quite the same as I used to prior to this happening. I hated myself for letting her leave, for not fighting for her. After all, she was supposed to be my wife.

The song is finished now and sit in my truck stunned but at the same time oddly liberated. The song had said what I had been feeling for a while after I found myself again, after I again took control of my destiny, and after I had allowed the situation to be exactly what it was. Our two worlds could exist, but not in contact with each other. Though I loved her, I was killing myself just to keep her. Love like that isn't pure. Its tarnished. Too many things had happened and those things obscured what the love between us had truly been. It had died a long time ago and we fought just to keep the remnants of it alive.

I am thankful that I didn't allow this loss to destroy me.

"Obstacles"

"Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don't succeed, try another way. For every obstacle there is a solution. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. The greatest mistake is giving up." - Anonymous

In life many times a person is confronted with difficult situations. These situations may easily be subdued and life goes on. But, a situation becomes an obstacle when in life's race you have to carry this burdensome issue with you until either it has worked itself out or you have put positive energies into working it out. I will be the first to tell you that neither avenue is an easy one. It is as if you know what needs to happen to relieve yourself of your burden yet you don't have the sufficient resources at present to effect change. Or it could be that something deep inside you tells you that even if you do use the proper energies that the situation will not change but that it will add more to your burden.

More specifically though, people can prove themselves an obstacle to you. For almost 2 years now I have been struggling with just such an obstacle. Just lately it has been my determination not to allow anyone to have an influence on me that make me harbor resentment. Easier said than done! More times than not the offender feels that mercy should be extended, though when they were committing the offense they had no regard for the other person. Then also if you are genuinely trying to be a good person, then you feel obligated to respond with such forgiveness. Yet, the same situation continues to recur. At what point do you digress and set firm boundaries for this person or group of people? If you know me then you know that this decision is one that will be made sooner than later. I have a more direct way of handling situations like this. Usually, the offenders will try to make you look like a monster of sorts because you refuse to budge even a millimeter on the stance you've taken. But didn't we just establish that their pattern of behavior is recurring. I can not speak for anyone else, but myself. I cut people like this off at the knees. I deal only with difficulties I have to deal with. Extra anxieties are the first ones to go. Yet, I will admit the manner in which I choose to cut individuals off is vicious to say the least. But in my defense I am a very patient individual. I believe in change over time, but I won't accept a second of disrespect, especially from those who are judgmental. Everyone who has worked hard to get where they are can understand me quite clearly. A person who sees you working hard and would rather tear you down mentally and emotionally does not deserve the courtesy of being spoken to or treated with dignity because they don't afford you any. Sadly, I have even had to bar these individuals from my house completely. This was done to drive home the point that I am the head of my house and any decisions that are made will come through me or they will meet with unimaginable opposition. To the point where when they visit they sit outside in their vehicles parked in the street. However, they wish to handle the situation, just know that I mean business.

But in the midst of all of this I can not help but to think that if I reacted like they do, it would make you no better than them.

"Reflection"

Today we take it easy people. We been going hard all week. Let's take a break and just mellow out. I mean today is Friday, the work week is most definitely about to end and all I can say is "Thank You". Its funny how you worry so much about your livelihood, but at the same time your livelihood could contribute to your downfall. Case in point: Some work themselves into a stupor the first 30-40 years of their lives with no regard for their health and they spend the latter 40 trying to get their health back. So, please take care of yourselves. You only get one life and you should make the best of it. Live a balanced life and you will be able to enjoy all your life. You won't be poor and you may not be rich, but with the enjoyment of life comes family and good friends. I'll take that over the headaches of striving to be wealthy any day. BE EASY!

"My Seed"

In this post I wanted to display some of my writing skills. Poetry is not my only strong suit:

"My Seed"

As I sit and contemplate what is about to transpire, I see a small life housed in the womb of its mother. I toy with the notion of its gender. Thinking that if it is a boy I will name it after me and teach it all my admirable qualities and yet at the same time educate it about my more dark qualities by what I unconsciously do. If it is a girl, I will protect it with all I am and muster up what is needed to meet any deficiency housed in my imperfect psyche.
Yet, as I contemplate their beginning with the intention of making it a good one, I began to journey back into my childhood wondering if my parents pondered over my beginnings, if they planned for me to be more than I was at this single moment in time. I wondered if my mother had been praying that my life began with me being healthy and ready to begin my journey on this planet. She surely wanted my life to have a purpose that would cause me joy and fulfillment.
My thoughts linger more with her because, she would prove to be the reason why I would teach my child. She would be the one to teach me and equip me for the world. Seeing that she was the single parental force during my life made me realize the depth of courage that rearing children entails.
Throughout the whole of her struggle to raise a boy into a man, I had not once believed that I was a burden on her tired and already weary shoulders. She would never even hint at the fact that she maybe had made a mistake in taking on 5 children in total that she had expected help with, and yet received none. She struggled with no less than two jobs to make ends meet.
I wondered if I would have the fortitude and bravery that was reflected in my upbringing. I had many a positive influences. These influences made me accept responsibility to a higher power as to what I would choose to do with my free will. Could I knowingly direct this gift in the direction that it should go, with the same calm reserve and dignified demeanor that my matriarch blessed me with?
If I couldn’t, I resolve to give it the best of all my energies. I would give my child a strong head to admire and rest its hopes upon. If ever it needed me, I would not be far away, not even far enough to be oblivious to its small voice. I would show the child what is truly the role of one who wishes to mount the life of another on one’s shoulders. I would earn the title ‘Father’. I would break the cycle that had begun so long ago. I would not despise the gift given to me. I would stand when seemingly everyone else had taken their leave. I would fight when everyone else willingly had given out. I would be what I was created to be. I would make my mother and my child proud to call me a father.

One of the main reasons why I wrote this passage is because truthfully being reliable was one of the last things my father could be called. For most people that would have been an excuse to amount to absolutely nothing. However, you read me wrong as a person if you think I'm not going to progress even in the face of substantial obstacles. I break barriers as a way of life.....

"Can You Dig It?"

Today's post is one that is one of the most deadly epidemics in the African American Community: "2006 CDC data tell us that about half of the just over 1 million Americans living with HIV or AIDS are black."

“Fresh”


Its Friday night, work is finished
And for 2 days I’m free.
A taper, a new fit, and a pair of kicks later...I’m Fresh!
I got 2 days to see what I can see.
Because you see...I’m Fresh!
So, I shower and shave looking forward to going out
Because while I’m out, I’m a predator looking for prey,
I swoop down and carry that meat away because....I’m Fresh!
So after entering the club I slowly survey
I see her and she sees me, and she’s hot I will admit,
but I’m not impressed because…. I’m fresh!
So, I stroll up and buy her a drink and we converse about what she thinks-
Of men, life, and love.
In her eyes, I see the need to be attended to.
She wanted love and lovemaking.
Sorry, I could only give the latter because.... I’m Fresh!
1 2 3 4
“uhhhhhh”
and I’m done.
As I’m getting dressed and then turning the door knob,
I had fun and now I had to run.
But as I looked back and she’s clearly hurt and ashamed,
Her bright smile turned into pain.
I got what I wanted, we had played the game.
Another down and many to go before the countdown is done.
Life cut short before it had even begun. Why?
Because…… I’m Fresh!
But if only they knew how fresh I am
I got 2 years outta 5.
But I won’t be the only one.
I’m sorry I won’t be the only one to die.
One night and a life of sorrow.
Friday was nice, I’ll do the same tomorrow.
Lure em’ in and spring my trap, and unless you’re Magic Johnson
There ain’t no coming back.
I gotta get the job done fight the clock as I go because I’m……
Well, you already know.

Please watch yourself...you just never know!

"Pride"

For the purposes of this discussion I will provide the definition of pride that I will be referring to in this post: a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem. Now on with the post....

In my life I have had up until this point one very dramatic and long period where it seemed as if the world and I were at odds and neither one of us was willing to budge. During this period, I lost some loved ones, gained some true friends, and I learned who was really an advocate of my physical, emotional, and spiritual success. I refer to this as my period of discipline, and I believe this discipline was getting me in line to achieve my full potential. Undoubtedly, those who read this post know exactly when this period took place.

Yet, I can't help but to focus on one point that I learned from that period. Namely, keep your pride in yourself. Many would think that to be a very obvious conclusion but when you're at the bottom looking up, its easy to forget that you had to accomplish something to make it as far as you have presently. Personally, during this time I lost two jobs, had to rely on my in-laws for work, and though I had a B.S. in Electrical Engineering, no employment was in sight.

My mother would always say that you could tell who your friends were when you looked in a crowd of them during hard times. Your true friends would be the few left standing with you. Boy was she right on the money. I had some that let me stay in their homes, fed me, and asked only that I return the favor if they ever needed it. I thank Jehovah for them everyday. They were the means by which I made it through. Not to mention my mother who wouldn't let me think about quitting. It was a hard fight but it seemed the harder it became the more fight manifested itself on my part. Not to brag but I am a fighter, always have been. There's just something within me that won't let me quit. As I've gotten older, my siblings, friends, and workmates have come to know that all to well. Well that was the upside to that period.

I'm not one to dwell on negativity, but he goes. A certain group of people, who shall remain anonymous, showed themselves to be exactly who they truly were. After having lost my first job, they commented on the fact that it was "amazing" to them that I had not found a job yet. You see I had to submit to a lot of taunting and belittling from these people because they were helping the family to stay afloat. Let me qualify what I mean by "stay afloat". There was never any money given to me or my family. I was asked to work in exchange for payment. Payment that was well below my level. However, it was my family that I thought about. After I could take no more meddling, no more insults, I exploded. Took me a few weeks to get to that point but I did. I believe that this was the best thing for me. I let everyone know exactly how I felt about them. That group of people, from that point on, has never had an amicable relationship. We are cordial with one another because I am respectful but nothing more. My wife encourages me to avoid grudges. But this is not a grudge. Like two male adult lions in a pride, there was no agreement because one lion refused to respect the authority of the latter lion. I say lions because I am the authority in my family. I do too much not to hold that position. So, I felt totally slighted and I had to remove myself from that position. There is no grudge there but it highlighted to me that there are individuals who would build their ego off of pummeling your self-esteem.

In my universe, we just don't tolerate this sort of thing. You build yourself up by actually accomplishing something, not by tearing others down. Lesson learned!

"More Contemplation"

My poem was so well received yesterday that I felt I should graciously post another one. This one will be more powerful than the last. When I say powerful, I mean moving. I hope this work is able to move a person to action. Here goes:

I AM GOD

My imprint burns the earth I step on,
As if to leave an obvious mark that I was there,
Yes, I graced this place with my divine presence,
And with as great a display as I appeared, I'm now gone,
What I am is neither here nor there but everywhere,
What I say, I say for all to hear, from past to present
I clothe myself with light and refuse to let darkness prevail,
The honor of kings and the dignity of noble men is a mirage,
Nothing is what they consign to themselves,
They quake at the fear that is owed to the shadow of my powerful visage,
I made you what you are and what you will be.....
But without me what you will be is nothing,
I see you kill,
And give up the notion of what's right to practice your tainted free will,
I have and will always be,
And though you are my image you fail to see,
To see you, or more directly to see me.....
I know you see, perfection made,
How eternity I placed in you,
And yet you forgo that notion, refusal of aid,
I was there when you came to be,
Molded you magnificently,
More than I could have hoped, you came to be,
With my heavenly eye I gazed upon you,
Made you like no other,
Yet you make exception to your brother,
Black, white, yellow, never meant for you to divide,
I gave you love to spread your wings and glide,
Maybe the sunrise is too bright for your eyes,
Or maybe the height of happiness is too high for you to rise,
You missed my intention,
You felt I made you to be tormented, this you bring on yourself,
I ask you not to and you feel as if I stir up contention,
I am your father and yet you act as if I left.....
Know you not that the same eyes I bestowed upon you, rest with me,
Your heart lay open as I watch you fight through life and curse me along the way,
Yet my hand never returns to my side, smile never gives way to a frown....SEE!
Rebuke is what I should issue upon you, yet I am love,
And all that I make with my right hand is love,
Therefore, to believe in love is to know that I exist,
Exist to help you achieve your fondest wish.....
The wish to be without a wish,
To have all your needs met,
You act as a crazed beast and yet,
Yet I find in you things that you can't fathom,
Things that are deeper than the false platform,
On which you stand and falsify yourself for all to behold,
Your denial of my being just as bold.
I believe in you, what you could be,
only if you would use your eyes to see.......

I was........am.....and always will be.....


Shots out to WAK again you know I gotta put him in here somekinda way. http://www.itsablackthang.com/WAK-art-work.html....Hit that man up for some art work.

"Deep Thought"

Every now and then I like to look back at things I've written. I was really a true poet in college, just don't seem to have the time now. But, I still look back, and this is one that I really appreciated. See if you can dig it:

"Pride of the Tribe"

How far my people have fallen,

How can one let one define him or her,

No voice leading, confusion befallen,

One after the other no man appears aware.

All fall into the pit dug by evil men,

Can’t see their own glory,

Cause it wasn’t meant for them,

None lives to retell their story.

Like lost soldier strewn over the battlefield,

Many were abandoned before given a chance to fight,

Many were surrendered despite their own will,

Many gave up when the warmth and progression that is hope was just in sight.

As freely brazen as a woman who makes profit by night,

Selling the gift of her love for something as dishonorable as a monetary price,

She thinks nothing of her desperate plight,

She continues disillusioned about the simple guiding of what is truly right.

My people sell themselves for the gift that the Supreme One bestowed,

As rich as the oil and minerals that flow from the earth,

The plight of those who squander their gift lie freely disclosed,

Yet those who see value in their treasure don’t share the miscarriage of their birth.

If one is to build,

One must first breakdown,

If one is to live,

He must first choose to what things he will be bound.

There must be a destination,

There must be a realization,

Or there can be no elevation,

No upward trend of a common situation.

The common situation is a clear demonstration,

Of one’s own dislike for life’s cruel culmination,

Why fight when one has so short a time to prevail,

Let a long pay attention to every sorted detail.

I will get what gratification from every solitary moment,

Never thinking about the after effect of stretching out my hand,

Pulling that same hand back shriveled with leprosy upon it,

If I had time I would seek to examine and understand.

Life is a burden to those who have no purpose,

It is a shackle to one, who refuses the accountability that is akin to responsibility,

Leaving those who need aid the most to follow the same path without discipline’s support,

Rebuked by the life led, one on the same path, when asked, has no retort.

I live, think, and breathe as you,

Therefore, I can’t possibly provide you with an avenue to get through,

Through the deluge of obstacles that life rushes with a strength that is true,

Yet, I do bear the laments of those who failed to help me as I have failed to aid you.

As always shots out to WAK or Kevin A. Williams for the fire artwork. You can buy this work at http://www.itsablackthang.com/WAK-art-work.html. Love!

Trust....

Sometimes in life, I wish that I wasn't raised to be an individual who had dignity and honor. I know that sounds a bit foolish, but you must understand that some see these qualities in you and make you a target. They trick you into believing that, like you, they too are honorable and can be trusted. So, you allow that person to form a relationship with you. Now, the devious facet of this process is that they are waiting for the precise opportunity to capitalize on your inability to compromise what you truly are inside. That's the kicker! This person gains your confidence all the while being aware that after they have known you long enough, they will take advantage of you.

While I don't condone being "an eye for an eye" kind of individual. It seems that everyone else in the world has that very attitude. People want to know what's in it for them before you even tell them what the situation requires of them. Case in point: Do you ever notice how nobody wants or will even endure with a man in the midst of his struggle to become successful? Yet, when that struggle is finished, then there is no lack in the area of possible significant others. Ironic that this could be the very same person whose advances were turned down just months earlier.

People nowadays put little effort into being honorable. Its the last thing on their minds. But for those of us who are honorable, learn to look at all situations from different angles. Everyone doesn't have your best interest at heart but don't give them the opportunity to show that to you.

Wealthy- In what way?

There is a noble manner of being poor, and who does not know it will never be rich.- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Today many people have been brought to the harsh reality that all the money in the world or a lifestyle of decadence will not substitute for simple peace of mind. The national debt is more than $11 trillion and it increase each day by $3.81 billion. Yet, people persist in their decadent spending and never care that the debt they are amassing will hinder them in the future. But debt is not the basis of this post, but it is ironic that there is a correlation between decadence and debt.

Wealth and prestige for some is the goal toward which they seek. To have a particular house, brand of car, or label of clothing is a sign that one has arrived. Sadly, many people allow what they have to define them. They feel if they don't have these unnecessary things that they will not lead a meaningful existence. And if one day they lose all those things then they will have no worth, or intrinsic value. This too is only a pointless cycle. One will never be able to keep up with the latest and the greatest. Its like trying to hold back a flood of water with a two by four. Just not realistic.

What separates the rich and wealthy from the common man? Will his riches keep him from getting sick and eventually dying? Will his wealth or "success" allow him to dodge the universal problems that effect mankind? Or is the acquiring of stuff just a distraction to keep a person from being properly centered? You'll have to answer that too for yourselves. But, one thing should be known, for every person that becomes rich, there has to be some one that has become poor. May not be of issue at all to someone who cares nothing for his fellowman, but for me a simple unassuming lifestyle allows me what I need and doesn't put an unnecessary hardship on anyone around me.

Wealth sometimes can turn a person into a monster. Dr. Jekyll would never have imagined that Mr. Hyde was apart of him. Deep down inside those who reach out for wealth or the having of things in an attempt to relegate those around them and lift themselves to a higher position, actually felt superior to those around them all along. This kind of wealth is dangerous and all-consuming. It causes those around that individual to pick up on the change and to respond accordingly. Moreover, if your conversation is always about what you just bought or what you're going to buy, could it be that this is a warning sign that proper focus on what is important should be regained? If all one's goals are set in attaining the physical he or she will never be fully happy.

A person loses respect for others humanity and the humanity within himself. He distances himself from the poor in an effort to forget them. Remember, you brought noting into this world with you and you can carry nothing with you when you leave. However, I do believe that leaving with a good conscience would be better than leaving fat and bloated by a lifestyle devoted toward satisfying a never ending cycle of decadent self-gratification.

That's just me though......

"Honestly....."

As I was out and about this weekend, I noticed a lot of out of state tags, people assaulting the gift card section like a platoon of marines, and more discounts at the all you can eat buffets around town than I could number. And I began to think of how many people had come home to see their mothers. At that moment, I was going to pick my mom up. I decided to take everyone to the zoo. Thankfully, it turned out to be a wonderful day for my mom and my children. They all seemed overjoyed to be together.

Yet, I wondered. Could a person only make time for his or her mother one day out of the year and really be able to say that they "honored their mother"? (Rhetorical Question!) Of course you'll have to answer that one for yourselves. Yet, I found it hard to believe that this could be the case with anyone barring a situation where a mother was neglectful or abusive. I talk to my mother every morning. Its my routine to start the day off talking to her about what's going on in her life and vice-versa, and I never fail to tell her that I love her before we end our calls. Her counsel has saved me from many a difficult situation. I have a closeness with my mother that I actively maintain because I don't want to lose sight of who I am. Before the degree, the job, and the new found pride in my accomplishments, I was just a poor black kid. But, mom taught us pride, self-respect, and dignity. "Just because you poor physically don't mean you have to be poor morally". She made us see that we could be better if we chose to be.

So, I just can't fathom not having anything to do with my mother because of some obligation that came along later in my life only to show interest in her for only one day. Add to that fact that I'm a parent now myself and I see the struggle required to raise children the right way. She was the first thing I ever knew and one of the most important. So, I guess what I'm illustrating is that there should not be a set day to let your mother know she's loved and appreciated. Why not do it everyday? You may be surprised to see that you are more like your mom that you could have ever imagined.

"See it Through"

Today, I just feel like spreading some encouragement. But, I feel as if I have to do that in my own way. That being said, we should make completing our goals more of a mainstay in our lives. Goals usually point a person in a certain direction. Yes, whether physical, emotional, financial, or spiritual, goals play a large part in who we would like to become in the future. The present affords us the opportunity to look at ourselves honestly and to effect change for the better. Personally, just the completing of any goal gives a sense of success and a renewed lease on other goals that may be further in the future.

For the most part its a cycle:

• A situation or circumstance in life needs to be changed out of necessity.
  
• A goal is set to remedy the situation.
  
• Difficulties are endured to reach this goal.
• The goal is accomplished.

The reality of the matter is that if you ever achieve any difficult goal in your life, you'll have the impetus to continue to set and accomplish more goals. In any area you choose to apply this technique you're sure to see results. So, whether its weight loss, less stress, handling the current financial situation, or a goal to just live better, the way to effectively approach any situation is with a particular goal or focus in mind.

"Fatherhood"

In the last few weeks I've had a new addition to my own family. One more grandchild that my Mom can spoil rotten. But, the fact that my mother has lived to see her grandchildren is a blessing to me. I say a "blessing" because I remember all of the difficulties that she underwent. I seldom speak about this part of my life yet I will today.

My father, L.J. Luton, was a man given to the single life though he was married. For the better part of the 32 years he and my mother were married, at least 20 of those he spent enjoying the company of other women. Why? Well, that's hard to say. I guess you could answer that by thinking of what makes other men faithful when some are not. I believe it was simply because he wanted to be unfaithful. At any rate though, along with infidelity came illegitamacy.

Life for my mother was very difficult because you see not only was he negligent financially, but he was very physically and emotionally abusive to my mother. She was never pretty enough, or skinny enough. Simply put, she was never good enough. Towards the end of his life he realized that his words were absolutely true, but not in the manner in which he had first intended. You see the last liaison that he indulged in bore to him a son and a daughter. He intended to replace his first family with a new one. Therefore, all of the customary boundaries applied, no funds, no help, and no regrets.

Truthfully, seared into my mind were the many times my mother went into her room and cried because of the weight of caring for 5 children by herself only. I remember going to school and seeing the children from this liaison with the newest and the best. He bought cars and a house for this woman. He gave her everything that was due to my mother. He seemingly had gotten away unscathed. Yet, a person must reap what they sow.

A little while later, things took a turn for the worst. He was shot and paralyzed by the same woman who he had substituted for my mother. Since he was abusive then the police did nothing to penalize her. That was only the beginning of the reaping.

Yet, in a stunning reversal. My mother takes him back. Brings him back to our home and nurses him back to health. He even begins to walk once more. My reaction? Utter and unadulterated disgust! Yet, my mother was teaching me a lesson in forgiveness and how not to allow people to make you behave differently from who you truly are.

When he was healthy enough to go get up and go. He did exactly as I knew he would. he went back to his other family. However, I didn't get angry. I got motivated. I vowed that I would never be a father like him. I would be better. I would be Father in every sense of the word. So far its going well....

"Be Easy"

As much an advocate of hard work as I am, I am just as much of an advocate of relaxation as well. I feel that its necessary to engage in something that relaxes you, that mellows you out, something that causes the worries of the day to melt away. Some take trips to get away, and some simply find one activity that serves the same purpose. Anything that takes your mind to a relaxed place is what I'm referring to in this post. Relaxation is necessary. Especially now when long hours are spent working and fewer hours can be devoted to sleeping, relaxation plays a large part in allowing a person to step back, calm down, and get rejuvenated.

Stress abounds right now in abundance. Stress causes not only physical illness, but mental illnesses as well. People act sporadically when put under too much stress. They tend to lash out at those around them. They are always tired and are always on the go. Jobs now just simply come with stress. Its a factor because given the state of the world economy, nothing is quite secure. Just that thought alone can add to the mounting worries.

My advice: "Do something at least once a day every day to center yourself, to relax you, and to keep you on track."

I've found that bodybuilding is my relaxation. Between me and the weights I use, the problems of my life just seem more manageable. If you find that one thing, the problems you have will be easier to deal with.

"Thankful"

Nothing philosophical today. I would just like to express my appreciation for everything. A lot of blood, sweat, and tears got me to where I am today and I am quite thankful for the experience. I believe that my past experiences define me. I am thankful for those who gave guidance to me and those who walked along with me. I have nothing but love and admiration for all who where apart of me being who I am.

"Take off my blazer. loosen up my tie....."

This one is gonna be personal. You ever just take the time to look at what you've become. I mean just look back at what has been accomplished. I took the time to look back and here is what I saw:

I made it out of the hood! This is one of my greatest accomplishments....See as that most of my friends weren't so fortunate. Many had to deal with situations that brought them back. You see the way I look at the matter is that my home town is like an abyss, a black hole if you will. Anyone who doesn't have the velocity to escape it will be sucked in. These anomalies serve to strip people of their upward drive in life. The fact that you cannot escape and the fact that you don't have the energy to escape is a very sad condition.

I got educated. No, I don't mean college though I did attend. I mean I got educated by the world. I can see things as they are without the veil of immaturity to cloud my judgment. Simply put, I had to man up and see the reality of my situation for what it was. That realization galvanized me to do better than those around me. I had seen what other successful people had seen. Namely, the world hands you nothing....you have to take what you need. I also realized that the fancy cars and rims are not what makes life. Life is as a result of self-fulfilling activities. The pursuit of riches is not among those activities. A balance is needed, maintaining that balance is what I call education.

I am a real father. I now have 4 children, two of which are not mine biologically, but they are mine in every other way. I get up every morning at 6 a.m. I do it to make sure everybody has what they need. I know that they look at me to provide what is needed. I don't even hesitate. I am however a very discipline oriented father. Yeah, I keep me a scrap (belt). But, they know that I love them. I know this because if never fails that they are there to meet me when I come from work.

I've recounted all of this just to say that you never know who you'll effect by being who you are. By doing the most you can possibly do. Yeah, running into a burning building, curing horrendous diseases, and fighting the criminal element are all heroic. But, we can't discount the everyday heroes that make sure everything is fine.

"The Runner"

"....let us also lay aside every encumbrance.... let us run with endurance the race that is set before us... -Hebrew 12:1

The above words are very pertinent in the times in which we find ourselves. Though the financial situation is not even remotely close to what we would expect, we still have to go about the business of providing for ourselves and our families. Doing this, however, is no small task indeed. Many times it requires longer hours, fewer hours of sleep, and increase anxiety.

Yet the caption texts holds a key to being able to survive these difficult times. Laying aside all the unnecessary hindrances, burdens or surmounting obstacles that we may have hesitated to handle will allow us to endure.

The fitness I refer to here is a complete one. One example would be where a person takes the time to make sure that their physical bodies are in good shape. Namely, because more will be expected in a physical way in this economy. Being healthy and fit will help the body to remain energized and ward off fatigue during the increased hours we have to devote to work. Not to mention that during these daily workouts, the body releases endorphins which serve to relieve stress and anxiety.

Another example is one of mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Being balanced emotionally will free one from unnecessary worry. I am a strong believer in the fact that emotional or mental problems should be professionally treated. Just lately, the medical community has changed its outlook in regards to depression and other anxiety based diseases. These conditions should be treated. Moreover, having the spiritual reassurance that the way one lives his or her life is pleasing to a Higher Power, is also a strong impetus to continue and endure whatever life has to offer.

I can only speak from my experience. Putting all these factors together will not ensure that one will not become disturbed by difficult situations, but it will ensure that those situations can be navigated successfully. We all need to train for life as if we were runners because the better the overall fitness is of an individual, the better he or she can deal with life's problems. One will be faced with obstacles and look to "hurdle" them instead of allowing them to prevent positive progress.

Picture taken from: http://ccat.sas.upenn.edu/~wbower/athletes.html

"Hard Work"

Whatever your life's work is, do it well. A man should do his job so well that the living, the dead, and the unborn could do it no better. - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I believe that work is a necessary part of existence. One who just haphazardly leaves his or her life to follow an unknown course, cannot rightly complain if his or her life is not where it needs to be. Work is based on having a defined direction. You see that defined path or direction will eventually give way to obstacles and if these obstacles are to be overcome, more work is needed. So then it is a constant cycle. A certain goal leads to a defined path, that path will be lined with obstacles, and the surmounting of those obstacles leads to progression. Whether long-term or short-term, many find progression in the form of setting minor goals to attain that one primary goal.

This too calls for focus. The difference between a focused person and one who lacks this quality is the fact that a focused person, when met with an obstacle, will ponder how best to overcome it; while a person who is not fully focused will simply turn back. Those without focus can never know the joy of accomplishment, of looking at what has been achieved and what obstacles had to be hurled as a result.

As a community, African Americans would do well to refine its focus. Could we be more of an asset to ourselves and our neighbors if we had a positive focus? A focus that caused us to temper what we do, say, and think toward positive progression. Could it be that the only hindrance to our leaving a bright future for the next generation is the ability to persevere in a positive fashion? Something to think about....

"The New Slavery"

Without being overly philosophical, I will explain the term "slavery" in its modern day application:

Before our kidnapping and subsequent delivery to America, African men used bartering as a means of acquiring the needs of their family. The reputation of a man was enough to either give him either admiration or disdain. Moreover, his reputation will either give him access to free trade among his kinsmen or either make him a commercial outcast. Theft was severely punished, and depravity was viewed as a community concern. They helped one another to do well and the good deeds that were done were supposed to be passed on in the future.

In the present day, the bartering system has been replaced by credit scores and the reputation of a man is replaced by a set of numbers that rate your ability to pay or not pay. To be unable to provide for one's family due to the fact that a person had a bad experience with paying of some debt, is absolutely mind blowing. This is surely the case now given the economy. Credit in the African American community is used as an extension of wealth instead of emergency funds. Thus, families amass large debt just to be able to stay afloat. Given the finance charges and late fees that accompany this debt, they become enslaved. Trapped in a never ending cycle just to survive. "The borrower is subject to the lender."

An offshot of this system comes in the form of disobedience to laws. Like it or not, some feel that this is the only way to provide for themselves and their loved ones. The African American community is plagued by this disease because for the most part we have become materialistic. What someone else has and is able to obtain should not be the basis of how we rate our lifestyle. So many times the wealthy showcase their lifestyle to shun those less fortunate. The result is a leaning toward acquiring wealth no matter the cost. Whether through theft or selling of contraband, some of our brothers feel that this is acceptable because they want to have a good life for their kids. They throw caution to the wind and put themselves in danger, as well as their communities by introducing deadly substances. Though I strongly disagree with their line of action, I can most assuredly agree with their reasons. Drastic measures would be needed if all of my four children faced a dismal future and I was ill equipped to change it. The African American community has not be acclumated to the ways of this land in which they live. Knowing that we are not indigenous brings about a new collection of issues that the new generation must face and overcome if they are to be successful. But that is another topic all in itself.

After wantonly breaking the law, many of our misled brothers face punishment by the same laws that they had a hand in breaking. Factually, more than one million African American men are in prison or in jail. That in itself is slavery. Not upon the inmates only but by those of the African American community that are law abiding taxpayers. We both suffer due to being placed in a system that is foreign to us. A system based on accumulated wealth passed down from generation to generation. A system that promotes the mind set that if you aren't wealthy or reaching out to be wealth that you were strange. A system that says the latest and the greatest at whatever cost, even if the lives of innocents have to taken.

Now think for a moment and ask yourself, "What wealth would an uneducated, unaccepted, and unappreciated African slave have to pass on to the next generation?" Though he would have no physical wealth, he would have an abundance of wisdom, dignity, and pride to teach his offspring. How did we throw away that heritage just to aspire to live as White America?

Shots out to Kevin A. Williams for the above picture. You can find more of his wonderful art at The Black Art Depot at http://www.blackartdepot.com/wak-art.htm. Support your family!

Expendability....

With the U.S. and world economy teetering on the brink of disaster, one cannot help but to notice the apparent instability on the employment front. Many however, seem to believe that this trend is simply not applicable to them. Many continue on about life as if this dilemma will never be one that has to be faced. If its one thing that must be gathered from this whole situation it is this: "Live within your means." The unemployment rate is skyrocketing. Among the individuals that are unemployed are professionals. Teachers, accountants, and not to mention the countless blue collar employees who rose early only to find a chain on the gates of their factory. Whether white or blue collar, there is a need to be cognizant of the fact that nothing nowadays is secure, especially not anyone's job. But on another note, the fact that we now know that we are expendable serves to make us more ferocious. Meaning that if you know that you are under a microscope, you will make you actions more pronounced and better yet more precise. You work hard and smart all at the same time. But at the same time this also breeds competition. This means that the worst in some come out in plain view. They step on others to secure their position. They achieve the financial ruin of another only to delay their own. Honestly, they behave as if their conduct will never come back to knock at their own door. Moreover, employers become more hostile toward those whom they employ. Demanding the extraordinary. More hours, more work, and less pay. Living in the world the way it is today will call for patience, endurance, and precision.

I wish I...

The problem with most people is that they have a lot of regrets about things from their past. Yet, at the moment that an individual has to make a decision, he or she knows whether or not that will be a decision that will be one to regret or one that can be comfortably endured. Instead of taking the time to think about a situation, they would rather pick the easiest avenue, which is most assuredly the worst in the long run, than endure some obstacles in the present so that they can have the benefits in the future. Short-term bliss always ends in long-term disaster. One most obvious case of that is the decision to live as "The Jones". People spend their whole lives trying to amass riches. They sacrifice their families, friends, and even their health, just to be able to say they are wealthy. In the long-term, the riches of having a loving family and friends to confide in slips through their fingers. These individuals either in up in tremendous debt or completely alone in a world of billions. Just something to think about....

“So often we dwell on the things that seem impossible rather than on the things that are possible. So often we are depressed by what remains to be done and forget to be thankful for all that has been done.”
-Marian Wright Edelman

Not mine but a good friend shared this with me. We swap out from time to time.