Manhood: Accepting Responsibility

"To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right." - Confuscious

In the mornings, before work, I usually listen to the radio and sort through the various morning shows. Well, this morning I happened to be listening to the Rickey Smiley Morning Show, ("great show almost as good as Steve Harvey's Morning Show"). They were discussing National AIDS day, which was yesterday. As the show progressed the topic of discussion centered around a lady who called in and was emotionally distraught. Why? Her husband of 24 years was compelled to share a secret he had be holding for 5 years. He was HIV positive! She was mortified because she had already lost a brother to AIDS. She said that he became angry because he felt that she wasn't taking his emotional needs into consideration, and that it took him quite a bit of courage to finally come clean. As she sobbed on the phone, she repeatedly admonished the ladies listening in on the show to know that "men don't care about you"! I think it would be relavent in this situation to say that she was a black woman.

I'm almost at a loss for words. It really takes a person who has no respect for himself or anyone else to contract a deadly disease by being unfaithful, and then conceal the knowledge of this disease from those that love him the most just to save face. This is utterly sickening.

To put things into perspective, here are some current statistics taken by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

• Blacks accounted for 51% of the 42,655 (including children) new HIV/AIDS diagnoses in 34 states with long-term, confidential name-based HIV reporting.

• Blacks accounted for 48% of the 551,932 persons* (including children) living with HIV/AIDS in 34 states with long-term, confidential name-based HIV reporting.

• For black women living with HIV/AIDS, the most common methods of transmission were high-risk heterosexual contact** and injection drug use.
  

(Source: http://www.thebody.com/content/whatis/art17002.html)

The most common method of transmission for black women is high-risk heterosexual contact. High risk heterosexual contact is having relations without the benefit of protection. This contact doesn't negate those who are married and in a supposedly committed relationship. When a person vows before God and his mate to remain faithful and true, this is a commitment that is not easily fulfilled. But, how is it appropriate to be unfaithful and give a deadly disease to your mate due to the fact that you didn't take your vows seriously? Your wife or your husband contracted a terminal illness because you didn't have the presence of mind to control your sexual urges. Animals we are not. Yet, with some of the actions taken by those who claim to be intelligent human beings, you could surely mistake them for animals. I do understand that a person can sometimes slip into a situation because of negligence and a lack of proper attention. But along with what is stated above, a person must take responsibility for what he or she chooses to do. The gentleman, and I use the term loosely, that is mentioned above could have chosen to do the right thing at any time during this whole predicament. He could have chosen not to be unfaithful at the beginning. He could have chosen to go home to his wife instead of accepting the sexual advances of another. He should have chosen to come clean before he ever had relations with his wife because that is where the real selfishness lies. After contracting HIV, he didn't warn his wife at all. He exposed her to it without her knowledge and that in my mind is criminal.

This issue speaks at the heart of a pandemic in the world, but especially in the African American community. We take too much for granted. HIV is ravishing all of our mothers, wives, and sisters and all we choose to do is spread it with greater force. All of us, but especially the men in this community, are asleep at the wheel. It is our job to protect our women. Too long have we allowed problems to run rampant that we ourselves should have resolved long ago. By educating one's self and family about a few simple rules, one can prevent a lot of heartache and anguish:

"A stands for "abstinence" (not having sex of any kind). Abstaining from sexual activities, including vaginal, anal, or oral sex, is the surest way to avoid HIV.
B is for "be faithful." Being in a sexual relationship with only one partner who is also faithful to you can help protect you. This limits your number of sexual partners and the possibility of infection.
C is for condoms. Using a male latex condom for all types of sexual contact can greatly lower your risk of getting HIV during sex. If you or your partner is allergic to latex, use polyurethane condoms. If your partner can’t or won’t use a condom, you can use a female condom. It may protect against HIV, but it’s not as good as a male latex condom. “Natural” or “lambskin” condoms don’t protect against HIV. Be aware that condoms don't provide complete protection against HIV. The only sure protection is abstinence (not having sex of any kind)." -(Source: http://www.womenshealth.gov/hiv/prevention/)

Its time that we start taking responsibility for what we've been entrusted with.